QueerJoe’s Valentine Message

Pastor Tim (aka teejtc) wrote by far, one of my favorite comments ever on my blog the other day. Unfortunately, it wasn’t on the current blog entry, so I fear some readers may have missed it, and it had one of the most intuitive and positive commentaries about relationships.

What Tim Wrote

I imagine the gaydar “breakdown” might just be a natural result of age and stability of relationship. I’m not gay nor 50, but have found that the longer I’m married and the older I get the less I notice other “potential relationships.” It’s hard for me to imagine that it isn’t the same for gay men….

For anyone who’s ever been in a relationship for about 10 years or or longer, they’ll probably find Tim’s words quite accurate and wise.

Years ago (about 24 years ago now), I was at the three-year mark with Thaddeus, and the white-hot passion of new love was starting to wane. Based on much of what I knew of love and relationships (mostly from friends, family, television and movies) this meant that the relationship wasn’t going to be lasting much longer.

I was extremely fortunate to have a friend/co-worker who had been married for over 20 years, and she had hinted that there had been challenges over the years in her relationship.

I asked her how long-term couples got past the part of a relationship where it wasn’t as euphoric as at the beginning.

I could only wish that everyone had a friend like Marylou (or Tim) to get advice from on relationships.

She basically told me that if I could make it past the part where love wasn’t as intense and passionate, I would eventually come to have a relationship that was stable, comforting and dependable. That getting to the part where you know practically everything there is to know about your partner can be an incredibly intimate and rewarding and loving experience. She was right.

So, what I love about Tim’s comment, is that, like Marylou’s response to me, he saw my commentary about “broken gaydar” as an opportunity to acknowledge an exceptionally positive aspect of a long-term, loving relationship, and encourage it by his words.

In addition, he was exactly right, in that being able to trust the strength of my current relationship, allows me to stop looking for potential others, and so, in essence, turns off the out-going signal of my gaydar.

Happy Valentine’s Day to you all.

Current Knitting

Readers’ Comments/Questions
About the scarf/neckwarmer, Cat 16 wrote, “Not sure I agree with your button choice. Why blue with that yarn? I’d think brown might be better.”

I think you may be right…the button is actually teal colored, and I thought it would work well as a high contrast to the orangey red color of the yarn. Personally, I think brown would be dreadful, unless it was some big funky button made from a coconut shell, but if it was just a brown colored button, it would remind me too much of the bad crafting colors of the sixties.

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