Most people who only know me through my blog might not know this about me, but I am terrible as asking for what I want.

WTF?!?!

I know it’s odd, but I turn to mush whenever I need to directly ask for something I want.

Them:  What would you like for your birthday?
Me:  Nothing really…I have everything I want.

Waiter:  What can I get you?
Me:  Which is better, the pork or the chicken?

Thaddeus:  Where would you like to eat?
Me:  Which do you prefer, Mexican, Indian or Barbecue?

Whenever there are situations that require that I make a definitive statement about what I want, I have to practice the words I’ll use to express it so that it doesn’t come out as a whimpering question instead of a declaration.

I know this doesn’t sound like me (or maybe it does, and my anxiety has been clear to readers for over a decade now), but it definitely is true, and it’s amazing to me that I’ve been so successful at maneuvering around this defect.  It’s almost as though someone disable one of the keys on my piano, and I’ve just learned to play any music that doesn’t require that specific note, or I’ve improvised songs to play a different set of notes instead.

I’ve also looked at the many reasons why it’s so difficult to state something as simple as what I want, and while I could name dozens of reasons, knowing the reasons has never resolved the problem for me.

Do you think this handicap in my life would make me eligible for a handicap parking tag for my car?  I’d like to know, but I’m afraid to ask directly.

Current Knitting

It’s down to the last few days of knitting for getting any inventory I hope to sell at this weekend’s Fine Craft and Arts Fair in Stockton, NJ.  I did end up finishing the last two West Coast Watchcaps (for a total of six to replace those that sold at the last show), and the sparkly Cross Stitch Scarf.

I’ve also almost finished another Cross Stitch Scarf in multi-colors that will be a fine addition to my inventory.

I’m hopeful to complete at least one more scarf or wrap in time for the show this Saturday.  Wish me luck!