QueerJoe

QueerJoe's Knitting Blog

How Deeply I Feel

It took me a long time to get to a place where I was okay expressing my feelings.  Having been taught to do otherwise most of my childhood, it’s good to see how deeply I feel.

How Deeply I Feel and How Deeply You Feel

Don’t get me wrong. I still have plenty of work to do regarding emotions. But I also want to acknowledge all the growth I’ve had too.

Many of the regular readers here know that May is the month I look forward to most. It’s supposed to be when 45 guys gather in Upstate NY to celebrate all-things yarn. It would have been the 13th Men’s Spring Knitting Retreat this week.

Obviously, COVID-19 has interrupted those plans. And what used to be joyous reminders of years-past on Facebook, are now bitter reminders that I can’t be there this year.

MSKR 2013 - A view from the Porch

Yes, there has been some wallowing in self-pity. There’s also been anger with both the virus and the pathetically poor way our Federal government has handled the outbreak. I have even gone so far as having a few bitter resentments with life. “It’s so unfair!” has been the most common refrain in my head during those times.

But I’m not ashamed of these feelings. More so, I’m glad I can recognize and acknowledge them. Reach out to others who might be feeling equally as bad.

Mostly, it feels like I’ve been denied the opportunity to express love to a community that has come to mean an enormous amount to me.

So, it seems only fitting that I should reach out to that community and express the love all dammed up in my heart. And look forward to the day when I can do that in-person with a big, tight hug.

Current Knitting

You’ll note that my emotions not only didn’t kill me, but they also didn’t stop me from producing a new beautiful garment.

Danao Cowl 05-13-20 01

Yes, I finished the Danao Cowl by CraftyLukas. It’s a tubular-knit cowl with a patterned outside and an inside lining. The design is meant to have a solid color lining, but I ran out of the green yarn, so I opted for striping on the inside.

It makes for a nice reversible cowl now.

It’s squishy and warm. I think I caught the last cold day this Spring to test-model this garment.

The pattern isn’t available until May 22nd. I will post about it when it’s published, but you also may want to follow CraftyLukas’ Ravelry designs to get it as soon as it becomes available.

5 comments on “How Deeply I Feel

  1. Lovely cowl. It is beautiful.
    The whole world has changed for everyone this year. We will adapt and change with it.

  2. Beautiful cowl!

    I read your post and know that it is your truth. But, for what it’s worth, I always felt your love, interest, concern and caring from back in the dark ages of the knitlist!

    Thanks for all you do!

    1. Thanks Fredda…I think you just have a fine-tuned antenna for that kind of vibe. I was just chatting with Zoom-knitting friends recently about the lunch with you and me and Lucy Neatby. What a wonderful time that was.

  3. First, I second what Fredda says! There is a reason I have read your blog since I first discovered blogs. I’ve always regretted that when you were coming to Edmonton for business years ago that weather and health just didn’t cooperate so we could have had lunch and maybe actually meet IRL. Second, I don’t attend the retreat, but I do attend vicariously through your write-ups, and I will miss it this year. Not as much as you will of course. I have fond memories of the “way back at the beginning” days, when I still had my little yarn business, and sent yarn and patterns for the goodie bags. It gave me a lot of pleasure to do that, and I think it’s amazing that this started and grew the way it did. Something that strong, IMHO, will just be stronger when it can get together again.

  4. Ooo! I love that cowl. I feel a little shopping coming on. I love the variegated striped lining; makes it so much more versatile. I will definitely steal that idea!

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