QueerJoe

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Youre Not Yourself - QueerJoe 09-28-20 01

You’re Not Yourself

Ever have one of those days where you’re not yourself? Are you self-aware enough to know when you’re having one of those days? Or better yet, do you have any friends or loved ones who can tell you this in a loving, supportive way?

When You’re Not Yourself – How Do You Know?

This past weekend, life seemed to just pile on.

  • The general ennui and malaise of COVID fatigue
  • FOMO (Fear of missing out) when it came to the North East Men’s Knitting Retreat this past weekend
  • Physically not feeling well

When I’m in this state, my cognitive abilities at self-evaluation are often stymied. My thinking is clouded and I react in ways that are not normal for me.  It’s like I have the capacity to juggle 3 balls and still function, but one extra ball gets thrown into the juggling and all of them drop.

This morning, I woke up still not feeling well. Mostly just a sinus headache. But I was feeling better than yesterday.

Just enough better to realize I hadn’t really been myself for a couple of days.

Fortunately, a friend asked me yesterday how I was doing. He asked with genuine caring and I was able to describe one aspect of how I was feeling. Then this morning, I woke up (see photo above – no surprise, yes, I did wake up looking like that) feeling slightly better physically.  Just better enough to realize I hadn’t been myself for a day or two.

I was grateful for people in my life who understood that yesterday was an aberration for me. And no, a Snickers would not have fixed it.

Current Knitting

The Hallgrim Scarf has reached 42 inches.

Hallgrim Scarf 09-28-20 02

It’s actually moving along quite effortless now.  About 13 more inches of plain ribbing until I do the cable motif at the other end of the scarf.

6 comments on “You’re Not Yourself

  1. Its very complicated, I think. I read an article that said that our subconscious brain knows that we’re not going out often. It recognizes that we’re not seeing as many people as we usually see. And it thinks we are hiding in our cave. Resulting in a constant production of fight or flight hormones.

    When we were on vacation in Provincetown I was freaking out a little walking outside. You would think that being on vacation and being outside I would be in good spirits but I was so out of sorts because of all the masks. Somewhere in my subconscious brain it knew something was very very wrong. I couldn’t read emotion I couldn’t see peoples faces. And everyone was a little on edge.

    I think we have to give ourselves huge amounts of time and not expect things to be any “away“. There is no right way to deal with us. We all have to find our way. I am finding that outdoor time not just on my back deck is important. I know it sounds crazy but also showering every day. I mean where am I going why do I have to shower every day I’m not exerting myself by any means. But it’s just that action of showering and stepping outside your door helps your brain.

    1. Fascinating! The constant production of fight or flight hormones. It’s like working with trauma kids. It’s not just the fatigue. It’s the resulting inability to distinguish between the two. Thanks for the insight!

  2. Joe, I want to thank you for your willingness to be “not perfect” on your blog in a genuine, vulnerable, and approachable way. Your post today reminds me of that saying, “”A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.” Some days it strikes me as overly sentimental, and other days (likely the ones when I need it most), it reminds me of just how important it is to my mental health to have someone who can provide this perspective and insight.

  3. I love this scarf. It is fab, marvellous, eye-catching, and yes, stunning.

    In terms of not being yourself. Amen. We all have those days. Especially during this, our pandemic year. And then, we go on to have better days…

    As they say on the internet: “If you aren’t going to be yourself, be Batman.”

  4. Thank you Joe….I had not put it together…between you and Sean’s notes, my mood makes so much more sense. You really do help a lot of us by being yourself and sharing.

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