Am I Being Reasonable?
Whenever I get pushback. Or someone gets offended by something I do or say, I ask myself “Am I being reasonable?”
More Than Am I Being Reasonable – Should I Be Reasonable?
When I’ve clearly created a strong reaction in someone else, it’s time to check myself. Maybe.
First of all, I need to assess if the situation is dire enough to be unreasonable. If I or someone I love is being threatened for instance. Being “unreasonable” might be completely reasonable. And even if it isn’t, I can assess after the fact and make amends where necessary.
But if there are no heightened circumstances, and the reaction seems stronger than I expected, then I assess my ideas and state of mind.
- Am I feeling well physically? Often when I’m sick or out-of-sorts, my reactions aren’t as reasonable as usual. Am I tired and sleep-deprived? Hormonal? On a new medication?
- Have I been “hating everyone” in the recent hours? There are some days where I am just an asshole and I need to lay low. And I can only see it when there’s a general trend in my recent behavior.
- Is my reaction oversized for the situation. If I’m enraged, is rage appropriate for this situation? Do I have some sense of panicked “fight or flight” feeling. Do I feel like I have a lack of control over my ability to respond?
- Finally, I can ask people who I trust to help me assess.
If any of the previous four situations are in-play, I am usually able to back myself off the ledge. Usually there’s an apology. From me.
A QueerJoe Theory on Parenting and Reasonability
Many of you know that I never give parenting advice. I’ve never been a parent of a human. And I don’t presume to know anything about what parents go through.
However, having been a non-parent all my life, I can say that I think there’s a life-skill that I think would have been easier to learn had I been responsible for raising a child.
Most parents I know learn how to triage human interactions better than non-parents. They learn much more quickly (it seems to me) how to assess conflict. What to let go of or what to pursue with importance.
I put this under the category of “theory” because it might just be one of those incredibly ignorant blindspots of mine.
So I’ll throw it out there for response to any of the parents or non-parents who have a thought about it.
I’ve been incredibly busy with Men’s Knitting Retreat-related business. We’re setting up workshop participation for May and there’s a lot that goes into it.
But I still have done some work on the latest Garter Striped Scarf.
I’m also doing a 3-stitch i-cord selvedge edge, which I am just loving.
It gives the scarf ends a nice, finished look. No?