Settle Down
I stood up to trans-hate this week. It’s not for praise that I post this. It’s to encourage everyone to stand up and not settle down when they are safely able to do so.
QueerJoe Did Not Settle Down
You’d have thought that would have been obvious, but honestly, I struggled with a lot of mixed emotions about confronting a hateful receptionist at a new doctor’s office this past week.
- While I feared that the person had my personal information and could turn into a real asshole, I didn’t fear for my personal safety.
- I questioned if I should just cancel a procedure and have it done somewhere else.
- When I decided to tell my doctor about his employee’s hateful comments, I wondered if I should tell him before or after a pretty extensive procedure.
- A few of my friends suggested I just let it go and just switch to a different doctor after the procedure.
- Finally, I got a few unsolicited messages from the Universe and I realized that if I couldn’t stand up to this kind of hatred, then no one else probably would
Like I wrote, I’m not looking for kudos…I honestly feel like a bit of a coward just by questioning if I should stand up. In the end, on my drive to the appointment, a Namoli Brennet song came on that specifically addressed my situation.
Namoli To The Rescue
Many of you know that I love the music of Namoli Brennett. Her song, Settle Down came on my shuffle, and I knew I had to stand up. Even if it wasn’t clear exactly how I would do it, I knew I must. The lyrics to this song are amazing:
Brother Moses wasn’t born to settle down
Brother Moses wasn’t born to settle down, settle down
He was born to rise
Like relief to the cure, like the shore to the water lineBrother Martin wasn’t born to settle down
Brother Martin wasn’t born to settle down, settle down
He was born to rise
Like relief to the cure, like the shore to the water lineLike angels whose feet never touch the ground
How could they ever know
How their good words could still resound
So long after they goSister Rosa wasn’t born to settle down
Sister Rosa wasn’t born to settle down, settle down
She was born to rise
Like relief to the cure, like the shore to the water lineWhich among us was born to settle down
© 2020 namoli brennet
Which among us was born to settle down, settle down
We were born to rise
Like relief to the cure, like the shore to the water line
Like relief to the cure, like the shore to the water line
Like relief to the cure, like the shore to the water line
Current Crochet
I am very close to finishing the body of my crochet, short-sleeve shirt!
Still need to do collar-hole shaping, collar and sleeves. And maybe a button-band (with no buttons).
If you are uncomfortable at a doctor’s office for ANY reason, find a new doctor.
That is just what I did this month.
We have to realize that it is the whole practice, not just the doctor that is taking care of you.
The doctor may be the “face” of the business but he/she is only a small part of it.
I left a cardiologist because I was uncomfortable with the staff. Some of them acted as if they were doing me a “favor” returning my calls, scheduling, and even giving access to the pt. portal. I’m so done. Sometimes just vote with your feet. I let the new practice know that I expected them to meet my standards.
Thanks Karen…appreciate the support. I didn’t want to go into a lot of detail, but the hateful comments came on my initial visit at a periodontist office and that initial visit cost me almost US$200. They had scheduled me for a pretty extensive procedure at the end of the subsequent week (for a LOT more money). I was very impressed with the Periodontist and wanted the procedure done, and I was glad they could schedule it so quickly, so I decided to keep that appointment and let the doctor know about my experience on my second visit (which I did). His response was probably the most ideal I could have expected. He basically said, “First of all, let me apologize that this happened to you, it’s completely unacceptable. I will be speaking with the other doctors in the practice about how to handle it, but please know that this well never happen to you again.” I will be going back for a follow-up visit next week, where they will scheduled me for bi-annual periodontal cleanings. I will probably not go back to this office for cleanings and any future procedures, I’ll look for a different periodontist.
Something that I’ve been wondering about as I deal with splitting yarn, is this:
Several years ago, and in different context, I was told that yarn structure had (for lack of a better word) direction. That to manipulate it from one end vs the other yielded a different ‘product’. Whether or not it was true then, would an evaluation today, with the proliferation of natural and synthetic fibers and manufacturing processes used today or whether it’s being used right or left-handed, and with your experience, be different?
Thank you Joe. It is completely understandable that you questioned putting yourself out there. I question it everyday as a trans person. It can be scary out in the world, and knowing people like you are out there, make it possible to not only exist, but thrive.
I would also agree with Nurse KK, I don’t have a lot of options where I live, but I have enough that I would take my care elsewhere if for any reason I was made uncomfortable.
Again thank you, it means a lot to folks like me. 🙂
You have my heartfelt support for any way that you deal with this ever-present social problem that has been difficult for so many who have to consider the same situation on a regular basis. Because I feel that I’m able to trust your good judgment (after having followed your messages for quite some time), I don’t have any unique advice for you because you are the one who is responsible for your own actions and how they are perceived. On the other hand, this has been a personal quandary of mine for decades. Because offensive experiences are not always exactly the same, I usually react immediately in some way that I hope is effective. Even though I don’t always deal with abuse the same way, I always do SOMETHING. I have found that it is necessary to confront aggressive nastiness immediately, otherwise, the opportunity to react directly is diminished. Thank you for posting your comments.
My opinion is slightly different. You brought up the subject, the dentist apologized profusely. Why not wait and see if the situation is changed when you return. If not, then leave but also file a grievance at the prejudiced remarks you had to endure. You can be sure that you are NOT the only patient who has had to endure similar treatment from the reception. We must look this in the face, but also give people/business a chance to show they Can change.
Hello, I always wonder how some people can seriously “watch them in the mirror” when they are hateful. What in hell is their concern with who you are ?
I knew nothing about Namoli Brenett. Thank you a lot for this beautiful discover.
Cutting to the chase, Joe, you are a good man. We must respond to injustice when it occurs, and boy does it occur. Among many examples: some years ago, an RN prepping me for a stress test insisted on referring to my husband as my “partner,” though I explained that the difference meant a great deal to me. As a couple, we have been asked by strangers if we are brothers. (We look nothing alike.) When we answer that no, we’re husbands, there seems to be a disconnect. Let’s stay unsettled!