Forty Years Together - Thaddeus and Joe 1983 - 2023 11-15-23

Forty Years Together

It’s still hard to imagine how I was so fortunate. In 1983, Thaddeus and became a couple, and unbelievably, it’s now forty years together.

Shocking That It’s Forty Years Together

The traditional gift of rubies doesn’t even seem sufficient to mark such a milestone.

Thaddeus and I had a bit of a rocky start at the beginning. We met about six weeks before we decided to get together as a couple. But when we did, it seemed to go quickly and easily. We moved in quickly with each other. Our models for adult relationships was our parents. So we also quickly started treating each other as a spouse. This is what he looked like when I met him.

Foto February Day 28 - The Man I Married Thaddeus

Some of things that have made our relationship last:

  • We’re both relatively pragmatic and sane, so there’s never been a lot of drama.
  • Thaddeus and I both think commitment is important…important enough to work for.
  • We had incredibly supportive friends and family.
  • Our core values were very similar.

One quick story I’ll relate. Thaddeus had an older friend who was also a couples therapist. Terry spoke with Thaddeus about his new relationship and asked if he could give us a free therapy session. Terry asked us very simple questions. How long did we envision our relationship would last? What were our views on monogamy? What were our thoughts and expectations about money?

It gave us the opportunity to get to know each other much better. And at the end of the session, Terry handed each of us his business card. He asked us both to keep his card and to promise him that if we ever decided to split up, we’d speak with him first.

While I never needed to call Terry, I kept his card in my wallet for decades. Even after Terry passed away. His early support of our commitment helped us both have a clear vision of who we wanted to be as a couple. I will always be grateful for Terry’s gift to us.

40th Anniversary Celebration

Thaddeus and I have decided that we will celebrate our anniversary with a visit to Hot Dog Johnny’s.

It may not seem overly glamorous, but it’s a meaningful place for us over the last 40 years (and more for Thaddeus).

Current Knitting

I’ve made quite a bit of progress on the most recent Anica Shawl.

It’s a difficult garment to photograph. If I don’t lighten the photo, the subtle, dark hues don’t show, and if I do, the contrast between the bright colors and the sombre darks don’t show. But this shawl is going to be fucking gorgeous.

Thank you to ccr in MA for more information on Bugga…she writes:

The fiber content is the same…70% superwash merino, 20% cashmere, and 10% nylon. But the put-up has changed to 4 ounces(113 grams)/364 yards to 4.3 ounces(122 grams)/412 yards. I’m glad to have this yarn continue…it’s wonderful to work with.

Gisela writes:

The NEMFKR Shawl was designed by one of the guys from that retreat and I’m not sure if it’s ever been published. I test-knit it for him, so I have the pattern (in beta form). As soon as it’s published, I’ll announce it on the blog.

16 comments on “Forty Years Together

  1. Happy Anniversary, Joe & Thaddeus. While being a gay couple has its unique problems to overcome, you’ve done that while navigating the problems hetero couples do. Working at the relationship is the important thing in my opinion. Not that I’d know. I’m still with the guy I married 52 years ago. Here’s hoping you reach the same milestone.

  2. Congratulations! Celebrating in a way that is meaningful to you is all that matters.
    We’re working on 33 and it’s easy some days and not so easy some days. Aging adds its own ups and downs but we’re together til forever.

  3. My, my, what a handsome couple. From that early photo, it’s easy to see why you were attracted to Thaddeus — the fox. Congratulations to you both on your journey together.

  4. Happy Anniversary! Enjoy a festive celebration at Hot Dog Johnny’s! Great to see the photos of you both. Best wishes for every day!

  5. Congratulations ! I find your story with your friend Terry very moving. Every couple should get such a session. Happy birthday to Thadeus and you !

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