Knitting as Sport
As a male knitter, I’ve decided that knitting can now be elevated from the category of craft or hobby to an official sport.
I know folks (like Wendy) who can create entire virgins with text above their heads in a matter of days.
Like a track and field event, Knitting should have clearly defined events:
Speed Knitting – Obvious choice, it already exists
Endurance Knitting – Who can knit garter stitch continuously for the longest time without losing their mind?
Tag Team Knitting – Pick up your partner’s knitting and make sure your gauge matches
Fiber Stash Enhancement – The competetition gets fierce at the local sale bin
Knitting Iron Man (is there a non-gender term for this?) – A tri-athlete event (formerly known as sheep to shawl)
Concurrent WIPS – Who holds the world record for number of concurrent WIPS?
Ice knitting – Graceful performance of Sock knitting with double toe-loops
Speed Balling – The sprinting event for getting yarn from hank to swift to ball in the fastest time
Blocking/Finishing – Okay, we’ll keep this one out of the competition…no one would want to participate
How would you train for these fiber events?
Two-handed, stranded knitting exercises
Knitting cotton with weights attached to the ends of your needles
Standard injury avoidance stretches
Equipment Fine Tuning
Finely honed and waxed double-points in mahogany for speed
Ball winders with 5:1 gear ratios
Yarn swifts with spoilers and aerodynamic attachments
Slowly moving along on the sister-sweater. I’ve gotten about 10 inches done…five more and I start working the front and back separately.
Here’s another picture of the spawn of satan who doesn’t beg for table scraps, but will find the smallest piece of yarn and ingest it immediately (no he’s not hanging from the rafters like the demon he is, he’s playing under the stairs).